Break Me Open
by ellenvan
Summary: Companion Piece to The World Spins Madly On. Brittany POV.
1. Crystal Cup

**Break Me Open **

*This is a companion story to The World Spins Madly On, and something that has been on my head and heart since I started writing. I had several people ask me to write a chapter from Brittany's point of view, and I decided to do one better, and write a companion piece. It won't be very long, but it'll fill in some of the blanks, and allow everyone to see into Britt's mind and past in a way that The World Spins Madly On doesn't. I will continue to write The World Spins Madly On, however, I will write this story as well. This story is inspired by the song "Break Me Open" by Anna Nalick. Give it a listen if you so desire! The words in _italics_ are song lyrics. Hope you all enjoy, let me know if you think I should continue!*

Chapter 1

"_I break like a crystal cup, Into a million little pieces, but I pick me up. Don't just stare at me, take care of me." _

I tried to stop myself from trembling as his fist came close to my head, whizzing past my face, missing by an inch. I grit my teeth as the verbal assault started, quickly escalating as his anger grew. I clenched my hands to stop myself from crying as he attacked me mercilessly with his words.

"You are so fucking stupid Brittany! You can't do anything right! I don't even know why I settle for you. Your cooking is shit. Your daughter is as stupid as you. You can't even clean the house properly! Sometimes I think I should just dump you and that little brats bodies on the street and see if you can survive without me. I swear, you fuck up just to piss me off." His fist cocked back again, and this time he hit me.

Stars exploded in my vision, and I struggled to keep down the food that I eaten that day. My body shook as my stomach tried to settle, and my head pounded like a jackhammer. Fear coursed through my body, reaching all the way down to my toes.

His fist came back, this time at my stomach, and I couldn't stop myself from vomiting all over the floor. He jumped back, screaming in disgust and anger as the vomit touched his shiny black shoes. He kicked me as I lay on the floor, his face outraged and distorted as he screamed at me. "You fucking bitch! You better clean all of this up Brittany. If I find even a drop of it left when I wake up, I'll make you regret it."

He retreated, his footsteps echoing in the halls of this hellhole. I stayed on the ground, closing my eyes, wishing, and hoping that when I opened them, all of this would be gone.

Instead, I opened my eyes and it was all still there. The smell of my vomit pricked my nose, and made my stomach roll again. I take a deep breath to steady myself before picking myself up off the floor, and limping to the kitchen to get the mop. I had spent the whole day cleaning, waiting for Chris to come home and see what a good job I did taking care of his house for him while he was at work.

But, he had come home in a temper, and had complained about everything. He snapped when Taylor spilt her milk all over the kitchen floor, and had pushed me up against the wall as his temper took over. I waved a hand at Taylor, and she ran out of the room on my command, glancing over her shoulder with huge eyes as he pinned me up against the wall.

Now, as I cleaned up the vomit, I couldn't help but allow the shock of everything to set in, and I collapsed on the ground, my whole body shaking. He had been the best boyfriend, and was so loving towards Taylor and I when we started to date. It all changed when I moved in with him. It started with yelling, and name calling. He would apologize right away after he yelled, and would sometimes buy me presents, as if it would take away the sting of his words. Then, he turned his words on my daughter, and I tried to stand up to him. He had turned so quickly then, hitting me, kicking me, spitting on me. After his abuse, he would tell me that I made him mad, and I had to be a better girlfriend. He would blame me, or Taylor, and he never said it was his fault.

A part of me believed him, that it was my fault. I wasn't the best in the kitchen, and I ruined a lot of the food he bought for us. I tried my best to clean, but he would find dust in places that I never thought to clean. Sometimes I wouldn't do anything wrong, and he would turn on me still.

I slowly got back to my feet, putting away the mop before silently going to the door of my daughter's room. I opened the door softly, sighing when I saw that she had left the light on, and was under the covers. I tiptoed to the bed, and pulled the covers down, looking at my daughter as she slept. She looked so much like me that it sometimes scared me. It was almost as if she had no father, and was made just by me. Her hair was a beautiful white blonde, and her eyes were the same shade of blue as mine. She was so much smarter than me though, and had a kind, gentle heart.

I sigh then, and lay down beside my beautiful daughter, smiling as she shuffles close to me in her sleep. I wrapped my arms around her then, holding her close, breathing in her smell as I tried to allow myself to drift into the same peaceful sleep Taylor seemed to be lost in.

Instead, I find myself thinking of HER. I try to shake my head, making myself forget about her. I don't want to think about the gentle soft touches, and the smell of cinnamon, and her kisses peppering my body. I don't want to think about her honey smooth voice and her breath on my neck. But I do, and I know there is no escaping her. She is in my veins, clinging to me as she courses through my heart, fueling me, and coursing through my body. I have tried, in the years since she left, to forget her. But I can't escape from her, and sometimes I'm almost glad. She is sometimes the only good thing to think about in my day, especially on days where Chris is mad.

So I close my eyes, and let myself drift into a dream, allowing myself, if only for a night, to think and believe that she is back, and that she loves me. I sigh as she takes me in her arms, before falling into a deep sleep, nestled in the arms of the woman who loved me in a way that no one else ever has.


	2. Million Kinds of Crazy

Break Me Open

Chapter 2

_Don't let 'em tell ya fucked up isn't fine_

_There's like a million kinds of crazy and I kind of like mine_

_I'm not a problem that needs solving_

_And you can't bleed what's already bled_

_And if you only knew the shit that rolls around in my head_

_You'd be a little more fragile when handling me_

_You see, I heal quickly_

The next morning, I woke up to the small, quiet whisper of my daughter. "Mommy, wake up. We need to make breakfast before Chris gets up. He'll be mad if the pancakes aren't done when he wakes up. Please Mommy, wake up!" Her voice was panicked as she shook me.

My eyes shoot open as I sense the truth in what my daughter said, and I bolt out of bed quickly, rushing to the kitchen to start breakfast. It was already almost a half an hour later than I usually get up, and I knew that Chris might lose it if breakfast isn't perfect and prepared when he gets up and comes out, expecting food.

I sense, rather than see, my daughter at my side. She has been making pancakes with me since she was a toddler, and knows her way around the kitchen. I smile at her gently as she begins to crack the eggs, and I rush to put some bacon into a frying pan to make for Chris.

The kitchen is silent as we prepare, and I almost feel like my very heartbeat echoes off the walls as it pounds in my ears. Fear lives inside me, and the thought of making Chris mad is horrifying.

I almost scream when I hear Chris' voice behind me. I spin around quickly, almost subconsciously shielding Taylor with my body. But instead of anger, Chris is looking thoughtful and happy. "Morning Brittany." He smiles, and gives me a kiss on the lips. I do my best not to shiver as his lips brush mine. Kissing him feels like kissing a snake, one that has poison fangs dripping just behind a closed mouth. His hand moves up to caress my face, and moves through my hair softly. His eyes seem kind as he looks into mine. But I know better. He's a monster. He just hides it well.

"Brittany, make sure you shower before I come home. Your hair is a little dry." He says in a soft, calm voice. I used to think that voice was his good side, before I realized that he doesn't have a good side. His soft, calm voice is more terrifying to me that his yelling, harsh screams. It's unpredictable, instead of being obvious, like his insults. I never know when or if he'll snap when he's calm.

He sits down at the table, and smiles at Taylor as she places pancakes in front of him. His eats his breakfast in relative quiet, asking me or Taylor questions as he eats. He is wearing a suit, preparing to give a presentation to his company today. His hair, which is always perfect, shines with product, black as night. His eyes are calm, and framed with lines, which one could mistake as laugh lines. But Chris doesn't laugh. Not anymore.

Finally, after what seems like hours, he gets up from the table, kisses me once more, and ruffles Taylor's hair, before grabbing a briefcase and leaving the apartment. Silence fills the cracks of this house from hell, and I want to scream just to make it all go away. Instead, I turn to my daughter, who is looking up at me. "Tay, go get ready for school. You don't want to be late do you?" Taylor shakes her head and runs off to her room, her footsteps echoing through the silence.

As soon as she is out of sight, I crumble to the floor, holding my head in my hands. How did I end up in a situation like this? How did I end up being so far gone that I am stuck living with a monster? How did I get Taylor caught up with someone who is willing to insult her, and hit me in front of her?

I sigh, thanking some greater power that Chris hasn't laid a hand on Taylor. After the abuse started, I promised myself that if he laid a hand on her, that we'd leave right away. Now, after years of abuse, I knew she was safe as long as he could take out his anger on me.

I glance at the clock, and rush to get ready to drop Taylor off at school. I quickly put makeup over my black eye, willing the bruise to fade behind the mask I painted on. When it was finally gone, I got dressed, and hurried to gather Taylor up to drive her to school. The ride was quiet, and Taylor sat in deep thought, looking out the window as we drove. We used to be so close, but lately, all that was between us was silence and fear. I wanted her back, but I was so ashamed of where we were.

Instead, I waved at her as she left the car, and smiled at some of the mothers who waved at me. Then, I drove slowly back to the apartment, wishing that it would burn down, or disappear before I got back. But I wasn't so lucky, and when I got back, I went to the bathroom to take a shower.

The silence in the house was so deafening. I quickly turned on the radio that I had placed in the bathroom for this reason. The music instantly relaxed me, and I hopped in the shower. I even allowed myself to sing along to the song playing over the radio, feeling like some muzzle was taken off of my mouth for the first time in ages.

Then, as I was washing the shampoo out of my hair, I heard a familiar sound. My heart almost stopped as I listened to the familiar guitar interlude of "Landslide". Suddenly, it felt like my whole body shut down, and I fell to my knees to the bottom of the shower. The song seemed to take over my whole body, and I wrapped my arms around my knees and curled up into a ball as the words pierced my heart and soul. The water rained down on me as I lay in a ball for only god knows how long. Then, as suddenly as the song took me over, it released me, and I turned off the water, drying off, and willing my body to stop shaking.


	3. Stones and Sticks

Break Me Open

*If you have read The World Spins Madly On, you probably knew this was coming. If not, this scene contains possible triggering moments and mature themes. This chapter may seem a little disjointed, but I wanted it to feel that way. Review please!*

Chapter 3

_Do you break me open just to see if I still bleed?_

_Do you break me open just to see what's underneath?_

_Do you find in the way I never mind that you could never_

_Break me open, just you see, just you see._

_You fight like stones and sticks_

_But I've never known a cut that I couldn't fix_

_These bruises make sweet music_

I left two days later to go on a trip with my old dance company. Chris was going to stay with Taylor, and I tried to relax, reminding myself that he had never touched her. I didn't completely trust him with her, but I knew I needed to get away and take a break from everything. And this was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

My company made sure that I had a great time. The first night, I got so drunk. They even let me dance with them, and I felt like I had come home when the beat took over my body. I always felt so clumsy when I'm around Chris, but when I dance, that all melts away.

When I got back to the apartment after the weekend away, it seemed silent. It was late, and I knew that both of them were probably tucked away in bed. I knew I should go let Chris know I was home, but instead, I crept quietly into Taylor's room. The light from the hallway cast a beam on her bed, and I sighed to see my daughter under the covers once again. I pull back the covers so I can see my daughter.

Suddenly, she jerks awake, and pulls away from me, her eyes wide and scared. Her whole body is shaking, and all I want to do is take her in my arms, and calm her down. I have never seen her so scared then at that moment. Even when she realizes its me, her body continues to shake, and tears course down her face. Finally, I can't take it anymore, and gather her up into my arms. Her body stiffens as I touch her, but she relaxes into me, and cries into my shoulder, her tears quickly causing a damp spot to spread.

Finally, her sobs turn into hiccups and whimpers, and I pull her away, wanting to look at her face. Her eyes still frighten me as they are terrified and almost vacant. "What's the matter sweetheart. Bad dream?"

She shakes her head swiftly, her eyes wide. She finally meets my gaze, and a chill runs down my spine. "Mommy, it really hurts. Please make it stop hurting." My heart squeezes painfully upon hearing how terrified my daughter is, and I look her over, trying to pinpoint where she was hurt.

"What hurts sweetheart? Can you tell me where it is? I can make it better." I said, trying to sooth the fear and pain in her eyes. She shakes her head, her eyes growing more fearful by the second. I stand up, and go over to the light switch, wanting to be able to see the injury that was hurting my daughter so badly.

She stands as I come close, and pulls her pants down. My heart stops beating as realization spreads through my body, and horror sets in. My daughter's legs are black and purple, and I can make out handprints littered among the bruises. The skin looks scabbed and sore, and my stomach churns as reality slams into me. Chris touched my baby.

Taylor's eyes spill over with tears once again, and I will my body to move towards hers, so I can take her in my arms and make it all go away. But I cannot move. I am stuck in place, my heart smashed and my mind spinning. How could he? What kind of monster rapes a little girl? Not my daughter. This can't be happening to my daughter. This can't be happening!

Denial, anger, and betrayal flash through my body, screaming and echoing through my ears. I want to kill him. I need to kill him. I need to make him pay. He didn't do this. Is must have been someone else. He wouldn't do this. He doesn't touch her, only me. He is a monster.

Suddenly, I can move again, and I run to my daughter and take her in my arms. Her tiny arms go around my neck, and her face burrows into my shoulder once again. My arms shake as I hold her. Then it hits me. I failed her. I left her with him, and he did this. My daughter will never be the same. I know. I know the horror. This is on me.

Her rough whisper breaks me out of my dark thoughts. "Mommy, why did he hurt me? He told me I was bad, and I needed to be taught a lesson. He said not to tell you. But it hurts so much Mommy. Please make it stop Mommy..." She wailed, her body shaking with sobs as I held her close.

"I can't sweetheart. I can't make it stop. But I can make him stop." I stand up then, and pull her pants up. "Taylor, get your stuff, we need to leave here. Her eyes widen, but she nods and limps around the room, gathering her favorite things. My heart feels so heavy and broken, but I help my daughter grab some things, and then grab the keys to the car. I know Chris will be up in a few hours, and might come after us when he sees us gone. My hand shakes at the thought, but I keep moving, gathering some clothes from the laundry room, and some food into a backpack for myself. Then, I feel my daughter's hand slip into my own, and I quickly and quietly slip out of the house, leaving the slumbering monster behind.


	4. Fragile

Break Me Open

Chapter 4

_And you want words but you want me dumb_

_Now you're playing catch with a loaded gun_

_You can't tell me how to write this one_

_No take backs, it's already said_

_And if you only knew the shit that rolls around in my head_

_You'd be a little more fragile when handling me_

_You see, I heal quickly_

I held Taylor close to me as we sped away from Chris and everything that he did. The night was thick and ominous and I felt like we were going to fall into the darkness and never find our way out. I know I am breaking like 6 laws as I speed out of the dark city, but I know that I need to put as much space between him and us as I can.

Taylor soon falls into a troubled sleep, and I pull over the car to lay her down in the backseat, buckled in, with her favorite pillow nestled under her head. I take off my sweatshirt, and drape it over her, kicking myself for forgetting to bring warmer clothes or a blanket.

I settle back into the driver's seat, realizing for the first time how fucked I am. I have no where to go. I could go back to my parents, but I don't even know how to begin explaining this to them, and the drive to Lima would be really long. I don't really have any friends, Chris made me stop seeing most of them, and my dancer friends all live in the city. Then, a thought hits me, and I slam on my breaks, sliding on the slick road. I pull over again, and rest my head on the steering wheel, dread filling my stomach and throat.

What if she doesn't live there anymore? What if she had moved again? What if she still hates me and doesn't want to see me? What if she has someone? What if she is married, and has a family? Thoughts spun through my head, and my stomach knotted in fear. I felt my lip tremble as my fears began to overwhelm me, but I was startled out of my tears by a whimper from the backseat. Taylor's face was scrunched up and she was whimpering in pain, as if he was hurting her right here and now. I slammed a fist down on the steering wheel, and drove away again, knowing that this was going to have to be my path.

Once we reached the border of Pennsylvania, I stopped, and let myself rest for a while. The sunlight streaming through the window of the car woke me up, and I pulled into a bustling city, stopping for food for Taylor and I. Taylor ordered us some pancakes, while I noticed some computers lining one of the walls of the diner. I quickly logged on, and sent an email to her, hoping that she'd get it in time.

Dear Santana (it feels weird calling you that),

It's Brittany if you couldn't already guess. I guess I am emailing you to ask you if I could come stay at your place while I am in Boston. I have to be down there for a couple weeks, and I don't have the money to be able to afford a place. I have another person that said I could stay with him if you can't have me over. All we need is a bed and a roof over our heads. Would that maybe be possible? Also, we are heading down for the McKinley reunion, do you think you would want to come with us and see everyone? Well, I kinda waited till the last minute to send this message, and now I'm scared that you won't have room for me. We'll be there tomorrow night. I still have the card you sent me when you changed addresses. If you don't have room for us, we can stay somewhere else. See you soon.

Love,

Brittany S. Pierce

As my finger hovered over the "send" icon, I gulped back my fear once more, and hit send. I quickly went over to Taylor, and we settled down at a booth to eat our breakfast. Taylor looked sleepy and scared, and I wanted to reach over and promise her that everything was going to be okay, but I knew that it wasn't. I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Taylor looked up at me suddenly, and her eyes were teary and sad. She hadn't said anything to me since she told me what he had done, and my heart was breaking as I saw the pain and unknown in her eyes. I wanted to make her feel better, so I placed my hand on hers, holding it tight. "We're going to go see Santana. Do you remember all the stories that I used to tell you about Santana?" Taylor nodded, her eyes wide. "Well, we're going to go see if she has some room for us for a bit. Then we're going to go back to Ohio and see grandma and grandpa." She nodded again, and we ate the rest of our pancakes in silence.

We drove off again after breakfast, blazing a trail for Boston, and Santana. Or at least where I hoped Santana would be.

Soon, it was growing dark, and we stopped once more, and I spent the last of the money on a hotel room for Taylor and I, so we didn't have to sleep in the car again. She cuddled up to me on the double bed, and I held her close to me as she drifted into sleep. She had a nightmare in the middle of the night, and I held her close to me as she screamed and whimpered her fear of him. I gritted my teeth as tears rolled down my face, knowing that there was nothing else I could do for my baby girl, except hold her and love her.


	5. It's Mine

Break Me Open

Chapter 5

_You can't take what's mine- it's mine_

_You can't make me silent with violence_

_You shake your finger at me and expect I'll change_

The sky was growing dark as we reached Boston. I knew we needed some extra money, so I stopped at a used car dealership and sold my car, knowing that it was a silent way of getting back at Chris for everything.

Then, I hailed a taxi and gave him Santana's address, hoping and crossing my fingers that she still lived at the address she had included in her last letter several years ago.

My heart was nearly thumping out of my chest as we pulled up outside of Santana's apartment. I bit my lip as we grabbed Taylor's stuff, and I paid the driver. Then, we make the slow, and painful (for me) walk up the stairs, to the apartment on the top floor, that I am hoping is Santana's. We have a couple hundred bucks from selling the car, but I want to save it for plane tickets for Taylor and I to Ohio to go to my parents. I would rather not spend it on a hotel for tonight.

We walk up to the door, standing alone and quiet in the silent apartment. Most people must be asleep by now, and I can't help wondering if Santana is as well. I cross my fingers, get up the nerve, and ring the doorbell.

Everything is quiet in the apartment for a minute, and then I hear the lock click, and the door slowly opens to reveal her. I bit back a gasp at the sight of her. She seems even more beautiful than the last time I saw her, all those years ago. Her hair is at her shoulders, and she has it in a pretty cut that accentuates her face. Her skin is still caramel and looks just as soft. She looks beautiful. I mentally look at myself, and I groan inwardly, knowing that I have a black eye, and a cut lip from the last time Chris and I fought.

I feel her gaze rake up and down my body, and my body feels warm as if her gaze set my body on fire. I look into her deep brown eyes and I reach out to her, unable to stop myself. To my pleasure, she takes me in her arms, and holds me close. She still smells like cinnamon, and even the touch of her hands sets my body on fire.

Suddenly, her eyes stop on Taylor, and her mouth drops in surprise as she gives a gasp. It's then that I realize that I didn't warn Santana about Taylor, and all I said in the email was "we." I want to slap myself for being so stupid and springing this on her.

I rack my mind, trying to think of something-anything to say to her. "You still look the same San. It's good to see you." I say, trying to put on a smile for her. She smiles back, and answers me, her voice sending shivers up and down my spine. I place my hand on Taylor's shoulder. "This is Taylor. She's turning 6 soon. She was really excited to come and meet you. I've been telling her stories about you since she was born."

Santana smiles at my beautiful little girl, and thankfully Taylor smiles back. I scoop up my little girl in my arms, knowing how exhausted she must be. "Is there a place where I can put Taylor to sleep? It's way past her bedtime." Santana directs me to the bedroom, but I stop and place a hand on her arm. "I'd love to talk after I put her down though." Santana nods, and I can't help but feel more at ease.

I place Taylor on the bed in the bedroom. It's a nicely decorated room, but it has no personal touches. Taylor looks around with big eyes. I ruffle her hair and put on her pajamas, careful not to bump the horrible bruises and scabs that she has down below. I gather her up in my arms, and sing a song to her. It doesn't make any sense, I just made it up, but she smiles up at me, and kisses my cheek. I watch her slowly settle in, and take a deep breath, knowing what I will be facing when I go back out to see Santana.

I head back into the kitchen, and I can't help but gravitate right towards Santana. I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a deep hug. She doesn't resist, and I listen to her heartbeat for what seems like the briefest minute. Then, I sit across the table from her, and watch her face. Her eyes flit across my face, landing on the injuries that are clear. I can almost see her scanning my body to see if there are more injuries. I lower my eyes, and bite my lip, wishing that this would be easier.

Suddenly, its like verbal dirrahea and I can't shut up. "I needed to get Taylor out of there. He was going to start hurting her. I couldn't let that happen San!" She opens her mouth to interrupt, but I keep going, needing to get it out. "I thought he'd stop. I really did San. I blamed myself a lot of the time. But when I found out what he did to her, something snapped and I needed to get her out."

She's looking at me with a look of absolute fear and disgust on her face, and I sit there, hoping she's not disgusted with me. She sighs, shaking her head. "Is he the father?"

I feel my insides crumbling then, and my stomach twists in a knot. Then, I explain it all to her. How I met him, how he seemed like the perfect guy. How he began to hit me, and call me names. How trapped I had felt. Then, I could feel the tears trickling down my face as I told her about what he had done to Taylor. Santana was weeping by this point, wether because of what he had done to me, or to Taylor, I didn't know. I watched her shoulders shake with sobs until I couldn't handle it, and I lurched over and took her in my arms. "Shh Sanny. It'll be alright. We're here now." She nods into me, and I feel her tears drench my shoulder. "What's the matter hun?"

She seems to melt in my arms then, and she whispers in my ear, causing goosebumps to form all along my neck. "Thank you for telling me Britt. You can stay as long as you want. Please stay. I don't want you to ever have that happen again. I want to protect you. I want to make all the bad things go away. I want to kill the bastard for touching that beautiful little girl... I want to kill him for touching you."

My heart melts are her words, and I hold her in my arms, wishing I could pepper her face with kisses. She still wants to protect me, after all we went through. She hasn't changed a bit. I hold her in my arms until I feel my eyes start to close. Then, I let go of her, and yawn. I tell her I'm heading to bed, and told her I missed her. The look on her face when I said that was priceless.

I fall into bed, and wrap my arms around Taylor. She snuggles into my neck and I hold her close to me. My body is desperate for sleep, but my mind is racing. Could Santana still love me like she used to? Only time would tell.


End file.
